Hope is dangerous

I'm constantly searching for life's spark. That moment where you're caught.

Im gunna show him what he is missing out on. I’m not playing your games.

He loves me, but he’s not in love with me. Could you carry on?

Stupid

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could have been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And thought you break my heart
You’re the only one

And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase the times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you its pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath without you babe
I don’t want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don’t wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t want to play the broken-hearted girl no no
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

There’s something that I feel I need to say
But up ‘til now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I wanna put this out
You say you got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving of me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one

And yes there are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath without you baby
I don’t want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don’t wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be, ooh
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me, mmm yeah
Ain’t gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away, away with you,
Yeah yeah yeah, oh ohh…

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna to take a breath without my baby
I don’t want to play that part
I know that I love you but let me just say
I don’t wanna love you in no kinda way, no no
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t want to play the broken-hearted girl
No, no, no broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl, no, no
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl


corriepants: the-unpopular-opinions: I mean, she wrote songs for Katy Perry, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, and her range is bigger than Adele’s. She’s more musically diverse, and she’s actually working in the pop world. She’s just so awesome, and deserves more praise than she gets. I love Adele don’t get me wrong, but Jessica is just indescribable  This is a bit unfair. It’s like saying well Adele doesn’t deserve her success, just because Jessie J may have a better range and publicly str. They are entitled to as much credit as they deserve. You don’t see the both of them bickering over who should get more credit cause one of the them may have worked harder to get where they are. What you’ll see is them both publicly supporting each other because the industry they chose to enter is competitive and things like this only add more negativity into a world that already dying because of it.  ENCOURAGE people, don’t knock them back because it’s easy too.

corriepants:

the-unpopular-opinions:

I mean, she wrote songs for Katy Perry, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, and her range is bigger than Adele’s. She’s more musically diverse, and she’s actually working in the pop world. She’s just so awesome, and deserves more praise than she gets.

I love Adele don’t get me wrong, but Jessica is just indescribable 

This is a bit unfair. It’s like saying well Adele doesn’t deserve her success, just because Jessie J may have a better range and publicly str. They are entitled to as much credit as they deserve. You don’t see the both of them bickering over who should get more credit cause one of the them may have worked harder to get where they are. What you’ll see is them both publicly supporting each other because the industry they chose to enter is competitive and things like this only add more negativity into a world that already dying because of it.  ENCOURAGE people, don’t knock them back because it’s easy too.

Honesty

I don’t even know how many follow me, or even if anyone reads my posts. 

I think i’m a skimmer, you know, the blogs you just skip over because it’s just self pitying jargon about how shit their life is and it’s just a waste of your time to read their attention seeking shit. 

I don’t know whether my blogs are attention seeking, probably are. I don’t have friends to confide in. Not in my town anyway, my closest friend is thousands of miles away and to be honest i think i nearly lost her too. My life isn’t terrible and i am lucky to have what i have, what my mum and dad gave me, my morals and value and the things i have done and got for myself. I’m not disputing any of that. So i guess i confide in the anonymous, just incase someone reads it and thinks for a split second, I hope she is okay.   

I carry the disappointing feeling with me everywhere. Feeling like someone has punched through my chest and left a hole, that i carry around, trying to hold together. Some nights I just can’t, go and lay in the bath and forget myself and my life outside that door and remember who i used to be, before it started to hurt. Holding on to memories i’m scared to forget. Remembering being happy, or feeling safe. 

But then reality kicks in, with an almighty push. The hurt eventually turns to numbness when things look a little better and i start to forget about the hole in my chest for a while. Little things like a kiss on the forehead, or doing something right and feeling appreciated for it. Like today, a lady called june jill hugged me because she understood, behind the smile and the big bright eyes, is me, trying to deal with what life throughs and struggling, like herself, she had 46% of her kidney function and it was decreasing, when she hits 40% she will have dialysis and after that, she will need a kidney transplant, but she was the same, hiding behind the smile, laughing because crying isn’t an option, not infront of other people. 

All I wanted in my whole life was to feel like I was remembered, from a crowd of thousands, one person looked at me and remembered my face and thought about me sometimes. In reality just for the man I love, to love me back and to treat me like i was the only thing he needed to be alive. Without me, he wouldn’t, couldn’t live. I think it’s a fairytale, we all wish for this, but it’s not real. I will never feel like someone feels like that for me. 

Sorry for the bad grammar and the rant and everything. 

Tired

Hold my hand while you cut me down
It had only just begun but now it’s over now
And your in the heat of moments with your heart playing up cold
I’m between the middle watching hastiness unfold
On my eyes your were smiling in the spotlight dancing with the night
The night
When I fell off your mind

I’m tired of trying
Your teasing ain’t enough
Fed up of buying your time
When I don’t get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don’t get nothing back
Oi I’m tired

Where’d you go when you stayed behind?
I looked up and inside down and outside only to find
A double taking punching heartache laughing at my smile
I get closer you obviously prefer her

I’m tired of trying
Your teasing ain’t enough
Fed up of buying your time
When I don’t get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don’t get nothing back
Oi I’m tired of trying
Your teasing ain’t enough
Fed up of biding your time
When I don’t get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don’t get nothing back
Oi I’m tired

(I should have known)

Never mind said your open arms
I couldn’t help the leap that tripped back into them
Even though




 

I could sob.